


Monsters Stuck in Your Head

by enjolrascore



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Mortal Instruments (Movies)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, a little fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-23
Updated: 2016-02-25
Packaged: 2018-05-22 19:13:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6091213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enjolrascore/pseuds/enjolrascore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Max's death, Alec is trying his best to stay strong, but even the strongest need to break.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Really old fic, not beta read, any mistakes are mine.

Magnus hadn’t been expecting Alec, so when he heard his door bang open he was more than a little surprised. It was raining hard outside, so even if he had been expecting Alec, he wouldn’t have taken it personally if Alec decided to stay home. Alec was still grieving, after all, and he needed time with his family. He waited for the familiar footsteps, coming toward his room. When his ears were met with a loud thump and what almost sounded like someone throwing up, he was out of bed in a heartbeat.

He raced out into the kitchen, and was greeted with a familiar shadowhunter dry-heaving over his sink, the door still hanging wide open. Magnus was next to his boyfriend in a second, hands trailing along his body, checking for any injuries. Alec was soaking wet, and, Magnus saw when he got closer, was crying.

“Alexander, what’s going on?” Magnus asked.

Alec pulled away, trying to catch his breath, “I’m fine.” He choked out.

“Don’t even try that with me, Alexander.” Magnus said. “Now, tell me, what’s wrong?”

Alec shook his head, arms coming up to wrap around his stomach. Now that Magnus could get a good look at him, he saw that something was very wrong with Alec. He looked physically ill, his sickly pale face making the dark circles under his eyes look like bruises.

“Alec, please…” Magnus was almost ready to beg.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, okay?!” Alec finally snapped, “I don’t know, but it won’t stop!”

“Hey, no need to yell.” Magnus tried to keep his voice calm as he advanced toward Alec. “I’m sure, everything’s going to be okay.”

Magnus tried to touch Alec’s shoulder, but Alec jerked away, almost like the touch had hurt him. Magnus let his hand fall to his side, even more confused than before. Alec hardly ever rejected his affections, at least when they were alone.

“Alec,” Magnus sighed, defeated. “Why are you here? I thought you were staying at the Institute, tonight.”

“I couldn’t stay, Magnus.”

“Why couldn’t you stay?”

Alec started to pace, bringing his hands up so he could drag his nails down his arms. He was crying uncontrollably, small sobs and coughs tumbling from his mouth.

“Alec, please, stop this.” Magnus begged. “You’re going to make yourself sick.”

If anything, that only made Alec cry harder, horrible choking sounds coming from his throat. His hand flew to his lips, trying to muffle everything and failing miserably. Magnus couldn’t take it anymore and he moved forward, trying to pull Alec into a hug.

Alec jumped away, screaming, “Don’t touch me!”

“Alexander, please, tell me what’s wrong. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong. Why can’t you stay at the Institute?”

“Because, all of Max’s stuff is still there.” Alec sobbed. “And I can’t stay, knowing that I’m the reason he’s dead.”

Magnus could practically feel his heart break. How could Alec think that?

“Alec, that wasn’t your fault.”

“You don’t understand!” Alec screamed, “I was the one in charge, I was supposed to take care of him. How can you think it wasn’t my fault?”

“Because, you didn’t know. Max’s death is Sebastian’s fault and no one else’s.”

“It’s loud, Magnus.” Alec whimpered.

“What’s loud, love?”

“Everything, it won’t be quiet. Make it stop, Magnus, please, make it stop.”

“I can’t help, unless you let me touch you.”

Alec sobbed and crumpled to the floor, covering his face with his hands. Magnus knelt carefully beside him, making sure not to touch him.

“Everything’s so loud. It hurts, Magnus.” Alec cried.

“I know.” Magnus whispered, not sure what else to say.

Alec suddenly twisted, his hands gripping at Magnus’s shoulders. His head fell slightly, the top of it resting against Magnus’s chest.

“This isn’t fair, Magnus!”

“Shh,” Magnus soothed, gently pulling Alec against him, “I know, it isn’t fair.”

Alec shifted, curling in on himself and fitting himself between Magnus’s legs. He was shivering violently, the effects of walking in the rain finally catching up to him.

“Alec,” Magnus whispered, “Come one, let's get you out of these wet clothes. You’re freezing.”

Alec nodded and let Magnus pull him up. They slowly made their way to the bathroom, Magnus half carrying Alec. Magnus sat Alec down on the toilet seat and wrapped a towel around his shoulders.

“I’ll be right back,” He said, quickly slipping out of the room.

Alec wasn’t sure how long it had been before Magnus resurfaced, a change of clothes under his arm. Magnus held out the clothes and Alec stared for a second before taking them.

“Can you do this yourself, or…?” Magnus asked.

“I can do it.” Alec said, though he didn’t sound to sure.

“Okay, I’ll be right outside if you need anything.”

Magnus slipped out, allowing Alec to change his clothes, only coming back when Alec called for him. Alec looked weirdly small, standing in the middle of the bathroom, with his arms wrapped around his stomach.

“Why don’t we get you cleaned up?” Magnus offered.

“Okay.” Alec’s voice was barely above a whisper.

Magnus gently guided him to sit down again, not fully trusting him to stay upright. Magnus grabbed a washcloth and got it wet, quickly coming to kneel in front of Alec. He wiped under the shadowhunter’s eyes, pressing gently.

“Magnus?” Alec whispered.

“Yes, love?”

“I’m sorry.” He said, tears falling down on to his cheeks.

Magnus leaned forward, dragging his thumb under Alec’s eye, “Shh, everything’s okay, don’t cry.”

“But-”

“But nothing.” Magnus cut him off, “Just let me do this for you.”

Alec nodded and took in a shaky breath. Magnus continued pressing and wiping at Alec’s face, gently cleaning away anything that stuck to it. Now that           Magnus could get a good look at Alec’s face, he saw that the dark circles under his eyes were worse than he thought.

“When was the last time you slept?” He asked.

Alec hesitated, before saying. “The last time I saw you.”

Magnus took a second to think back and was horrified at the conclusion; that was three days ago. He tried not to let the realization show, but, he could tell by Alec’s face, that he hadn’t done a very good job.

“That’s bad, isn’t it?” Alec asked, sounding almost as if he was going to cry again.

“No,” Magnus replied hastily, “Well, I mean, it’s not the best. We’ll get you all fixed up, though, so don’t worry about it. Okay?”

“Okay.”

Magnus continued his gentle pressing, occasionally asking if Alec was okay. Alec rarely responded, though, too busy staring off into space.

“Hey, Alec?” Magnus called, shaking Alec’s shoulder. “You still with me?”

“I guess.” Alec murmured.

“Does it still hurt?” At Alec’s nod, he continued, “Can you tell me where?”

“Everywhere.” Alec sounded tiny and broken.

“Oh, Alec, come here.”

Alec slid to the ground, kneeling in front of Magnus. Magnus could tell he was fighting with himself, his normally bright eyes stormy and clouded over.

“You know, you can cry.” Magnus told him. “If that’s what you need.”

Alec nodded, slowly wrapping his arms around Magnus’s neck. Magnus brought a hand up and rubbed at Alec’s back, pressing the boy into his chest.

“Shh,” Magnus soothed. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

“H-how?” Alec choked out.

“I don’t know,” Magnus admitted, “But we’ll figure it out.”

Alec sobbed and tightened his grip on Magnus, his nails digging into the skin. Magnus held him as he cried, slowly rocking him and whispering kind words in his ear. Eventually Alec slumped, all the strength leaving his body.

“I’m tired, Magnus.” Alec murmured.

“I know.” Magnus said, pulling Alec into his arms so he could stand.

Alec made a noise of protest when he was lifted, “You really don’t have to do this, Magnus.”

“Just relax, let me do this.”

Alec wanted to complain, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to as Magnus opened the bedroom door. The thought of finally getting some rest made Alec’s mind go fuzzy. He couldn’t help the small sigh that escaped his lips, when Magnus set him on the bed.

Magnus let out a small laugh as he pulled the blanket over Alec’s shoulders, “Feel good to lay down?”

Alec nodded, “I guess I hadn’t realized how tired I was.”

“Doesn’t surprise me,” Magnus said, climbing in next to Alec, “You were pretty out of it; still are.”

Alec hummed and scooted closer to Magnus, pressing his hands against the warlock’s chest.

Magnus shivered slightly, “God, you’re still freezing, come closer.”

Alec allowed himself to be pulled flush against Magnus, only realizing he was cold until he wasn’t. Magnus rubbed Alec’s back, trying to warm him up.

“I’m sorry.” Alec mumbled, hiding his face in Magnus’s neck.

“It’s okay, just don’t be so careless next time. I want to keep you around.”

Alec was silent for a moment before whispering, “Thank you.”

“Of course.” Magnus said, running his fingers through Alec’s hair. “Now, sleep, love. We can talk about this in the morning.”

Alec nodded before closing his eyes. Magnus hummed happily and let himself relax, pressing a gentle kiss to Alec’s head. He waited for Alec’s breathing to even out before he allowed himself to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some protective Izzy for your soul (I'm serious we need more Lightwoods protecting Lightwoods). Also some Magnus and Izzy interaction, because I love them as friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta read, any mistakes made are my own.

Magnus woke up to the unpleasant buzzing of a phone. It wasn’t his, and it took him a moment to remember what happened the night before; Alec crying, Alec hysterical, Alec. Magnus reached blindly until he found Alec’s phone, quickly answering it and slipping out of bed.

“Hello?” He whispered, not waking Alec.

“Magnus!” Isabelle’s panicked voice sounded over the line, “Oh, thank God, please tell me Alec is with you. He wasn’t in his room this morning, and we can’t find him.”

“Isabelle, calm down, I have him. He showed up at my place last night, around two, and I made him stay.”

“Two in the morning? How did he get there?”

“Judging by the wetness of his clothes, he walked.” Magnus explained, flopping down onto the couch.

“Why would he walk to your apartment? Is he hurt, did something happen?”

“He’s perfectly safe, Isabelle, take a breath. He was, however, very upset when he got here. He broke down shortly before falling asleep. No physical damage, just emotional stress, from what I can tell.”

Izzy sniffed and Magnus wondered if she’d been crying, “Did he say what was wrong? I don’t understand why he didn’t come to me”

“Are you sure you that answer, Love?”

“Just tell me, Magnus, please.”

“It was about Max. He had it in his head that it was his fault Max is...gone. All the stuff at the Institute finally got to him, and he needed out. It was making him sick.”

“Sick how? Why didn’t he tell me this; he knows that I love him.”

“Alec feels like he has to protect everyone, like it’s his job. He was unable to protect Max, and that was eating him alive while he sat in silence. He wanted to be strong for you, and the rest of his family, but he snapped. That, and he walked here in the rain, so he’ll probably get a cold soon.” Magnus sighed.

Izzy chuckled slightly, “Yeah, he has this weird fear of umbrellas, he won’t tell me why. I feel horrible that he thinks he has to be strong for us. None of us are strong right now.”

“Isabelle Lightwood, you could snap me in half and I would say thank you, don’t tell me you aren’t strong. Alec is just scared that you’ll think less of him.”

“I could never. Alec is one of the strongest people I know. Can I come get him?”

“I wouldn’t, right now, if I were you. He’s sleeping, and I need to ask him some stuff when he wakes up.”

“What kind of stuff?”

“About last night. Also I have something that I should probably run by you, before asking him.”

“Go ahead.”

“Alec can’t be at the Institute, right now, and he really needs to get out. He’s been through so much, I feel that he needs a break. Would you mind if I took him for a while?”

Izzy hesitated, “Take him where?”

“Anywhere, just away. We would stay in contact, don’t worry.”

“Okay.”

“Do you mean that?”

“Yes, Magnus, take him somewhere pretty. Just be good to him, for me, I trust you.”

“Thank you, my dear. I have to go now, anything you want me to tell you brother?”

“Just tell him I love him, and that I hope you two have a good time. He deserves it. And Magnus?”

“Yes?”

“Have fun, be good, I love you.”

“I love you, too, call whenever you want.”

At that, the line went dead. Magnus stared at his phone for a moment, before getting up to make breakfast. Might as well have something nice for when Alec wakes up.

  
~~~~

  
Alec woke up to the smell of Magnus. Wait. Magnus? Had he gone to Magnus last night? His head felt fuzzy and he couldn’t tell what was real memories and what was in his head. He reached out blindly, trying to find the warm body that was usually next to him. He came up empty, groaning about how he had to move. Slowly, he pulled the covers away and followed the faint sounds coming from the kitchen. He rounded the corner and found Magnus making coffee.

“Magnus?” He called.

“Good morning, Darling. Want some coffee?”

“Sure”

Magnus gestured to the table and busied himself with the coffee machine. Alec pulled up a chair, looking around the flat.

“How are you feeling?” Magnus asked, sliding a mug Alec’s way.

“I...I don’t know.”

“What do you mean?”

“When did I get here, Magnus?”

Magnus narrowed his eyes, resting his chin on his hands. “Around two in the morning. How much do you remember?”

Alec shrugged, “Not much. I remember I was upset, but I couldn’t tell Izzy about it; I don’t know why. I tell Izzy everything, you know that. I guess I just left the Institute.”

“Okay, that’s good. Not ideal, but it’s a good start. Would you like me to fill in the blanks?” At Alec’s nod, he continued, “When you showed up, you were hysterical; pretty much having a panic attack. You were out of it, talking nonsense. Not that I don’t take you seriously, Alexander, because I do, but you weren’t yourself.”

“Did I call you, or something? Did I tell you why I was upset? I don’t understand.”

“No, you didn’t call me, you walked here in the rain. I’m surprised you don’t have a cold. And, yes you did tell me why you were upset, but I don’t think it needs to be repeated.”

Alec put his head down on the table, “Just tell me, please.”

“You had it in your mind that you’re the reason Max died.”

Magnus watched as Alec’s shoulders started to shake, small sniffles escaping from the spaces in his arms.

“Fuck.” Alec muttered, angrily wiping the tears from his face, “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

“I literally showed up at you house, in the middle of the night, and had a breakdown. How are you okay with this, I’m a mess.”

Magnus hummed, “I don’t think we’re on the same page. You trusted me with something very personal, and you showed me a very vulnerable side of yourself. I could never be mad at you for that. Maybe concerned, but never mad.”

Alec looked up, trying to take slow, even breaths. A few tears escaping and falling onto his cheeks, quickly being swept away by Alec’s fingers.

“You can cry, it’s okay.” Magnus said gently.

“I know, I just don’t like it. I just feel so weak, Magnus.” Alec sniffed, a few more tears dropping.

“Oh, my beautiful Alexander, you are far from weak.”

“I can’t even stay in my own home, Magnus! I can’t go back, I’m just so tired.” Alec sounded so defeated, and Magnus could feel his heart shatter.

“Alec I have a...proposition for you.”

“What?”

“Well, I spoke with your sister this morning, and I promised her I would take you somewhere pretty. What do you say, we get out of here?”

“And go where?”

“Anywhere. Everywhere.”

Alec nodded slightly, “Yeah, that sounds nice.”

“It’s a date.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm honestly not sure how I feel about this work, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway.  
> Come talk to me about my headcanons over on my tumblr @enjolrascore

**Author's Note:**

> Some Izzy in the next chapter :)  
> Comments and kudos are appreciated!
> 
> Check me out on tumblr over @enjolrascore


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